Saturday 6 April 2013

Moping Family Pleads For Return Of Missing Moping

The Bwendi Bugle

06 April 2313 Standard Reckoning

Moping Family Pleads For Return Of Missing Moping

A publicity still from 'Moping Goes Over The Top'
The family of Bernard Moping, renowned General Sir Laurence Llewellyn-Boleyn impersonator, has issued an appeal for information regarding his whereabouts. Moping, 48, is best known for his series of comedy sketches that satirised General Sir Laurence Llewellyn-Boleyn, the best known of which was 'Moping in the Trenches'. This bittersweet comedy followed the misadventures of General Larry Currant-Bun in the last great war between Albion and Bwendi and was watched by millions.

It was rumoured that Moping had also undertaken secret impersonations on behalf of General Boleyn, such as attending his children's school plays, and other similarly hazardous endeavours. Nothing was ever proven.

Mr Moping's family is distraught at his disappearance. They say that he has never done anything like this before, and that he would never miss pork chop night voluntarily.

If you have seen Mr Moping, please report all sightings to your nearest police station. His family has offered a reward of £50 6s 10d for information leading to his return.

You can watch a Moping marathon on Buglevision Channel 43 from Mondaeg starting at 8am.

Friday 5 April 2013

Dalliance Boleyn Returns From Antarctic!

The Bwendi Bugle

05 April 2313 Standard Reckoning

Dalliance Boleyn Returns From Antarctic!

General Sir Dalliance Llewellyn-Boleyn has returned from an expedition to the Antarctic Reaches of Beltene. Sir Dalliance was thought lost ten years ago when the remains of his survey vehicle were identified by satellite. His entire survey team was lost with him. Late last night Sir Dalliance was brought to shore by a fishing vessel that had happened upon him. He was floating on the sea in a Threnody-hide coracle fifty miles from the coast of Birmingusalem.

The tale of Sir Dalliance's survival is a truly remarkable one. As the survey team travelled southwards, they encountered an injured Threnody. Sir Dalliance insisted that the team stop and tend to its wounds before continuing onwards. Only a few days later the survey vehicle plunged into an unseen crevasse. The radio equipment was damaged and the GPS systems were destroyed by the crash. The team were able to haul the vehicle out of the crevasse and turn around for home, but the damage was too severe. It broke down two days later and they could not restart it. Sir Dalliance set out on his own to try to get help, while the team stayed with the vehicle and its supplies. Two days after setting out Sir Dalliance collapsed. When he became conscious again, he was surrounded by Threnodies. Their warmth had saved his life. The Threnody he had saved was part of the herd that saved him. They nursed him back to health on a diet of Threnody milk and he remained with them until tragedy struck six months ago.

The herd was suddenly annihilated by a rabid Campanicule, which killed every animal in the herd. Sir Dalliance had answered the call of nature and was hidden when the Campanicule, a creature that sports iron-hard, 30cm long claws and razor-sharp teeth, slaughtered the Threnodies before charging off into the sea to die. The Campanicule was apparently suffering from a degenerative disease that caused it to become even more erratic and vicious than normal.

Making a coracle from the hides of the Threnody that saved him, Sir Dalliance prepared a boatload of smoked Threnody and set sail northwards. By sheerest luck he survived and was picked up by the fishing vessel.

Sir Dalliance has announced his regret at his twin brother's unfortunate actions and subsequent demise, but has declared his intent to continue where his brother left off in the Albion military.

Buglevision Channel 2 will broadcast a documentary about this amazing tale of survival on Satordaeg evening at 8pm.

Thursday 4 April 2013

General Sir Laurence Llewellyn-Boleyn Escapes

The Bwendi Bugle

04 April 2313 Standard Reckoning

Imprisoned Boleyn Escapes

General Sir Laurence Llewellyn-Boleyn returned to the Albion capital, Avalondon, yesterday following a fraught high tea with our glorious leader Colonel Throckmorton P. Gladiolus. The General's role in the recent atrocity at Cumknocking-on-the-Piddle remains unclear but prisoners taken during the battle have indicated that the General may have instigated it.

Upon his return to Albion the General was immediately imprisoned in the Tower as reparation by the Albion government for the atrocity. The King of Albion declared that he was particularly concerned about the actions of rogue elements in his nation creating friction between the two nations and swore eternal friendship with the Colonel.

Yesterday evening, General Boleyn escaped from the Tower by diving into the waters of the River Thyme, which pass beneath its walls. He appears to have perished in the water, mauled by a Beltene Hyperkarp. The remains of his body washed up downstream and were only identified by a distinctive tattoo of a yellow thistle on his right thigh. Police are treating his death as natural causes.

Wednesday 3 April 2013

Albion sends PIMMS to Pyntagahl - Tomorrow's War AAR

The Bwendi Bugle

03 April 2313 Standard Reckoning

Albion PIMMS in Pyntagahl Atrocity

Yesterday the survey station at Cumknocking-on-the-Piddle was destroyed by the Pyntagahl Irregular Mobile Militia Service. PIMMS is an Albion-sponsored terrorist organisation, whose goal is to force the Bwendi nation to kowtow to Albion imperialist ambitions. The PIMMS insurgents attacked the town and then waited to ambush the elements of the 23rd Fast Reaction Team that were sent to deal with the problem.
Cumknocking-on-the-Piddle yesterday. PIMMS militia lurk behind the buildings on the left while elements of 23rd FaRT perform a pincer movement to turn the tables on the PIMMS.
A reduced platoon from 23rd FaRT advanced on the village, performing a pincer movement that left the PIMMS nowhere to run. Taking them under fire, they killed some and wounded many more in a fierce firefight that fortunately resulted in only a small number of Bwendi wounded and no dead.
PIMMS reinforcements
As the battle progressed more PIMMS militia joined the fight, but the combination of poor visibility due to a freak dust storm and the better training of the 23rd FaRT soldiers soon cut them down to size. Once the initial attack had been blunted, the Bwendi force was able to advance through the village, securing many prisoners and draining PIMMS of the will to fight. By the end of the engagement, the PIMMS were routed and the village was secure once more. Twenty prisoners were taken. See them interviewed tonight on Tonight with Trebor McDonut, only on Buglevision Channel 3 along with a dynamic computer-generated re-creation of the battle.
How our heroes defeated the PIMMS
It comes as no surprise to learn that General Sir Laurence-Llewellyn Boleyn, noted Albion hunter and warmonger, has been in the same area for the past week apparently hunting Spine Mountain Frecklepusses. Colonel Throckmorton P. Gladiolus has asked General Boleyn to high tea this afternoon to discuss the diplomatic ramifications of this latest attack. We cannot but hope that the General will lose his head when he returns to Albion following this military failure.


This was our first try with irregular troops. Steve wanted to use his Rebel Minis Sahadeen, so we set to with little knowledge of the rules but a will to muddle through. I think we mostly got it right, but there seemed to be holes in the rules that careful re-reading may plug.

We used the campaign rules to set up the scenario. My mission was to hold an objective on the enemy side of the table at game end with no enemy near it. I cleared out one objective by mid-game but forgot my mission and got caught up in capturing Steve's troops, so I did not complete my mission on a technicality. Note to self: remain aware of the mission at all times. I wonder how many times I have said that to myself and still failed to do so?

Steve's goal was to stop me achieving my mission. He succeeded in this because I moved my troops away from the objective marker. Looking at the board at the end of the game, it was clear that his troops had lost the fight and that I controlled the whole of the area around the objective marker, but the rules are clear about how you measure victory. O me miserum!

For once, my casualties were minimal, which was nice. I did kill two of Steve's leaders, which lost him victory points. Again, I did not check what Steve needed to do to gain victory points, else I would have played the game differently. That's another lesson learnt/reinforced. Check what the other side scores points for.

So, as a result of my failure to pay attention, I finished the game on -3 points (3 wounded soldiers) while Steve finished on +13 (my failure to fulfil the victory conditions precisely - 2 dead leaders). A decisive victory to Steve. Hmm ...

Our next step is to play a tank action scenario from the rulebook to learn the vehicle rules fully. After that we shall move through the rest of the scenarios in the book, or we shall start a mini-campaign using the rules that we have been using to set up these scenarios.