The Edge of the World (Forgotten Ruin)

 Tiger Troop grumbled as they learned that their next patrol would be to Corner Plains. On the one hand, it was not a swampy, boggy hellhole. On the other hand, it was a flat, wind-blasted hellhole. The wind constantly blew in from the sea and carried away everything that was not nailed down. At this time of year it was also icy cold, so they would freeze their arses off before they had got far at all. The only benefit to the constant wind was that it would not be raining... the clouds rarely got a chance to linger over Corner Plains.

The ops area was out in the boonies, even more so than usual for this area, with the only sign that people had been there being the roads through to other, better places, the standing stones by the crossroads and some nearby ruins. Much of the fertile farmland had been reclaimed by nature and ancient trees now stood where once there were cornfields and greenhouses.

A wind-blasted hellhole with nothing between it and the Arctic

Of course, even though Corner Plains was less of a hellhole, that did not mean this would be a walk in the park. Nope. It was a babysitting exercise. An envoy from Goat Fjord needed to get to Fastbeck Island. Guess which bunch of losers got that job! And of those losers, Leaf Moondream was the biggest one, as far as she was concerned. She was doing research to aid the mission! What was that about? Still, she did manage to communicate some useful intel to the Sarge, so it was not all wasted, and the threat she had identified seemed real. Also, she had identified a package that the L.T. wanted them to retrieve.

The envoy's people had lent Tiger Troop horses to get them to the ops area more easily. When scouts reported that there were hostiles ahead, they dismounted and left the horses, advancing towards the crossroads ahead on foot.

"Watch out for those smaller ones. They are venomous! Of course, the big ones will just bite you in half, so watch out for them too!" the little goblin envoy declared.

Tiger Troop took heed and opened up with everything they had.

The hides of the beasts were thick, but quantity of firepower put the odds on Tiger Troop's side. On the right flank, judicious application of excessive firepower pacified the mob that was advancing on them. Those lizards that were not blown to bits soon lumbered in the opposite direction.

"That's right," yelled the little goblin, "you distract them and I shall run through to complete my mission. Lifting up his robes, the goblin ran for all he was worth and had soon sprinted far ahead of Tiger Troop.

On the left flank, Lance-Corporal Bonolo called in a mortar stonk that sent pieces of venomous lizard flying everywhere. The single lizard that nearly reached Bonolo's fire team was cut down by the team's assault rifles.

The single remaining mob of lizards charged out from behind the ruins and towards Bonolo's team. Three lizards reached the team. Two of them died to spear and sword thrusts, but the third snatched up New Guy, who had only joined Tiger Troop, while Leaf was working with the L.T. at HQ. The unfortunate soldier was already half eaten before the rest of Bonolo's team could cut it down.

Suddenly, a new mob of lizards emerged from behind the ruins. Corporal Adeyemi called the order, "Rapid Fire!" and the team blasted the lizards advancing on them. Private Osmaer unshipped the squad LAW and fired.

"Fuck me!" he muttered as the projectile ripped through the nearest lizard as if it wasn't there and then tore the one right behind it to shreds for good measure.

Firing again, Osmaer's LAW ripped two more lizards apart. The last one made it as far as Private Bjornsson and considered him to be a good meal. Unfortunately for the hungry beast's plans, Tarquin was ready for it. His dagger lashed out several times and the beast fell dead at his feet. B-Team breathed a momentary sigh of relief, only to see yet another mob of lizards emerge from the same ruins just as Pan was racing towards a nearby point of interest.

Pan cursed, "Is there no end to these critters?"

B-Team took care of three of them, but two charged her. She drew her hammer as they charged on her and brained the first to reach her. The second knocked her back and was about to pounce on her, when B-Team's combined fire cut it down. By now, Private Immaculada had managed to grab the package that the L.T. wanted and raced off towards the RVP.

The L.T.'s voice over the radio was unwelcome in the still after the firefight. There were no hostiles in sight, yet still they needed to occupy the ops area a while longer, instead of returning to base.

"Hold off all remaining hostiles until I confirm that the package has been recovered safely."

Tiger Troop retreated to form a firing line that could cover Immaculada and waited. It was some time before even more lizards streamed out of the ruins near the crossroads. The beasts must have had a lair under the ruins.

However, these lizards fared no better than those before them. Tiger Troop's blood was up now and they poured everything they had into the lizards, leaving nothing but bits of blasted apart carcass when they stopped shooting. Silence fell. Tiger Troop received authorisation to withdraw. They did so immediately.

That was easier than expected, although I did feel sorry for New Guy, whose name Tiger Troop never even got around to learning. This was also the first time that I have used the Troop's LAW. It was satisfyingly destructive and very helpful given the high Toughness of the lizards.

Thematically, having numerous lizards emerge from the same spot was nice too. I could just imagine a large lair of giant lizards in the basement of the ruins.

13 Ambyrmont - The Skulls of their Enemies

After bandaging his wounds, Broneslav looked around. He had seen the direction that the surviving fighters had fled, so he marched off to the south side of the large chamber to the door they had gone through. This was, coincidentally, the same door that the chief had emerged from.

Headhunters flee to Room 3

He kicked the door in and dodged to the side just in time to avoid an arrow from within the room that lay beyond. With a roar, he charged in. He caught the remaining headhunters flatfooted and quickly wounded the shaman before blocking and dodging their return blows. There was a pause as both sides took the measure of each other before Broneslav darted in and thrust his sword through the shaman's body. As he withdrew the sword, the shaman slumped to the ground and he killed the second headhunter on the reverse swing.

The cowardly bodyguard who remained threw his spear to the floor and raced past Broneslav to the rope that the women and children had used to escape. Broneslav raced after the bodyguard and cut him down. He could not risk the man returning to ambush him.

As quiet fell, Broneslav realised that he was now alone in this area. He searched it while keeping a wary eye out for more headhunters.

The room he stood in was cluttered with sleeping mats, pots, gourds, animal skins and furs. Shelves on the wall were filled with skulls, a testament to the tribe's leisure activities. Among the clutter, Broneslav found a number of gems and some exotic furs that might sell well. The other rooms off the main chamber offered no further treasure unless he could find a market for bowls containing mud and ash or files for teeth.

There was no obvious way out of this area, until he spotted a discoloured patch on the wall and floor in the south-east corner of the large chamber. Further examination revealed a secret door, which he quickly opened, ready for anything...

Get Knitted! Bwendi patriots contribute to public lavatory campaign

The Bwendi Bugle

Tooting our own trumpet since 1985

7 February 2326

"Get Knitted!" Says Colonel

Today Colonel Throckmorton P Gladiolus opened the first of the new semi-AI public lavatories that have been developed by the Ministry of Public Works. These new public lavatories will be appearing on street corners near you, because the Bwendi government does not want you to be caught short while doing your civic duty. They are outfitted with the very latest in sustainable waste disposal systems and each new lavatory is fitted with a warm, knitted toilet seat cover courtesy of the Landfall City Townspeople's Guild. These heroic knitters have pulled out all the stops to ensure that the Bwendi people make only the most comfortable pitstops.

Police sources have warned that Albion fifth columnists may try to destroy Bwendi morale by stealing or defacing the toilets and their knitted covers. The lavatory AI is equipped to deal with fifth columnists and dispose of their remains thanks to the installation of military grade lasers. However, you should report any suspicious activity to the nearest Peace Officer just in case Albionistas manage to sabotage the AI and prevent it defending itself. Remember that Albion wants your toilet seat covers and will not rest until its collective behind may do so comfortably on Bwendi woollen knitwear.

As if that were not enough, our heroic knitters have also been hard at work supporting our troops in their fight against Albion incursions. Their knitted toilet seat covers now equip the jet-propelled guided portapotties of the 37th Janitorial Brigade. These portapotties are a variant of the civilian version that our reporters visited for this story.

The GladCorp Mk3 Portapotty can be launched and delivered to the frontline ready to use within 10 minutes of receiving notice of need. Our troops need never be caught short again, thanks to the Colonel's brilliant invention. As if that were not enough, it is outfitted with a reading material dispenser specifically designed for the mandated two minute comfort breaks, dispensing a newspaper or magazine that can be read within that two minute period while seated comfortably on the knitted toilet seat cover.

Ecstatic citizens queue to try out the new knitted toilet seat covers under the watchful eye of the local Peaceforcers (Toilet and street furniture by Brigade Models. Figures are 15mm Laserburn from Alternative Armies)

It is rumoured that the civilian version of the portapotty is outfitted for rapid conversion and deployment, just like the military version but official sources refused to comment on this. The GladWar spokesperson simply announced, "Loose lips sink ships!" and returned to the office to work on new designs for our heroic troops.

"With the new knitted toilet seat covers, our troops will be able to ease themselves without suffering discomfort and cold seats," said Mrs Trembley-Beauchamp, chairentity of the LCTG, "We expect this to be a significant morale victory for them."

When asked if she had any words for the Albion troops with their less-than-luxurious dunny pits, Mrs Trembley-Beauchamp said, "They should just get knitted!"

And so say we all at the Bwendi Bugle. Get knitted, Albion!

I really need to do more imagination-type posts for my Bwendi nation. The world building is most of the fun, given that I rarely get to play sci-fi games these days. It would cost too much to ship all my figures and terrain to where I spend most of my time, so the sci-fi figures tend to live a thousand miles away from me and remain unused apart from a couple of months a year. I have had all of these figures and terrain for a long while, but the story occurred to and amused me, so I make no apologies for inflicting it on you!

13 Ambyrmont - Bitter Conflict

 The warriors emerging from the doors on the balcony looked better fed, stronger and better equipped than those that Broneslav had fought so far. Worse yet, some of them had bows. He would have to see if defending the passage was still viable, so he backed up. Unfortunately, these warriors were clearly more experienced. Instead of charging straight in, they formed up in a line around the largest of their number. The archers prepared to fire. Broneslav ducked behind the rubble and the first volley flew past him. He drew his bow and placed his sword and shield within easy reach.

Ducking back out, he saw that the archers were preparing to fire again. Broneslav shot first! Letting arrows fly as fast as he could, Broneslav quickly slew two of the archers. The return fire saw arrows leaving gummy trails on his armour, but none found a gap.

The shaman beside the largest headhunter chanted as the arrows flew. As the shaman completed his spell, Broneslav suddenly felt paralysed for a brief moment, but his willpower pushed him through and he shook it off. The shaman looked startled.

Another arrow flew and another enemy archer died. One of the archers scored a hit on Broneslav. The poison on the arrow tip made him feel slightly queasy but his armour and strong constitution ensured that he felt no worse than that. He shot the enemy archer and two more in quick succession as arrows bounced off his armour. Despite the deaths, the headhunters screamed defiance at him and stood firm.

With the archers being whittled down, the chief of the headhunters decided that enough was enough. He and his bodyguard charged as Broneslav's arrows missed their mark for once. Seeing them charge, Broneslav grabbed his shield and sword and braced himself. The chief stumbled as he charged and his bodyguard reached Broneslav first. The plucky hero fended off their blows easily, the narrow gap he stood in making it easier for him to defend.

Deftly wielding his sword, Broneslav cut the first bodyguard down with two swift blows. Another lightning-fast lunge skewered a second bodyguard as he fended off their slashes with his shield. This was too much for the remaining bodyguard, who fled and left the chief to face Broneslav alone. The pair were evenly matched, it seemed as each scored hits on the other. Grunting grimly, Broneslav settled in to the fight.

Seeing his chance, the shaman rushed forward chanting a hasty spell and tried to grab Broneslav, but the youth twisted his way out of the shaman's fiendish assault. He retaliated against the chief, scoring a heavy blow on the large headhunter, but it was not enough to cut the man down. As he fought desperately against both the shaman and the chief, Broneslav sought an opening while fending off their further attacks. Suddenly he saw one and slid his sword into the chief's gut. The big man fell. The shaman fled. A single archer joined him.

The remaining archers howled their ire and fired. A single arrow found its mark. It was just a scratch, but it was enough. Pain flashed through the young hero and his guts curled up into knots as he wretched violently. Gritting his teeth, he forced himself to stand straight again despite the pain, the fever and the need to vomit that the poison on the arrow had caused. It felt like his guts were being ripped apart, but he stumbled forward towards the archers at full speed.

The archers stood horrified as the young warrior flailed wildly with his sword, cutting all of them down in short order. They had not even had time to react to his sudden assault before the room was quiet once more. He stumbled back to the corridor as the fever took hold and rested a few minutes to recover his strength. He felt awful and was quite badly wounded now, but the worst of the poison seemed to have gone through his system already, or maybe not much of it had entered his system in the first place.

Standing up once more, he scooped up the chief's sword, which seemed to be better quality than expected and prepared to advance further into this temple.

I used the Defy Death mechanic for Broneslav to survive the poison without further problems. It cost him hit points and it might have been more interesting to let him fail and have him be captured. I am sure there will be time for those sort of shenanigans later though. He is bound to fail another saving roll at a critical juncture in this or another adventure.

Spotlight: The Defence Forces of Ramsbottom End

 The Bwendi Bugle

All the news that's fit to print

24th January 2326

The border town of Ramsbottom End is a town like many others in Bwendi. It sprang up as the Bwendi people expanded across Beltene after Landfall, and soon found itself on the border with the rival forces of Albion. Like any other town, it has its own militia that turns out fortnightly to drill and practise in case of Albion incursions. They are armed with the standard Gladcorp M23 Assault Rifle that all Bwendi forces use. They have a limited number of Gladcorp TAC19 RPGs and Gladcorp M42 Autocannon, just like all the other militia units.

The Ramsbottom End Militia has the usual range of technicals, civilian vehicles that can be rapidly repurposed to form a fast strike force to deploy them to the front. These mount a variety of support weapons and some feature battering rams for helping troops enter buildings quickly and easily, a useful feature during times of Albion-fomented civil unrest.

"Well equipped militia"

Ramsbottom End Militia even has a purpose-built armoured bus to provide transport and supporting fire to the infantry. Only about 55% of militias on Bwendi have one of these. When not in use by the militia, the bus is used for the school run during term time and doubles as an ice cream van during the holidays to ensure cost-effectiveness.

A troop of Ramsbottom End militia deploy in front of the two new Walkers (Infantry are 15mm Laserburn from Alternative armies. Walkers by Rebel Minis)

However, one thing it has that is unique in Bwendi so far is the foresight of Mayor Dame Dora Third. She and her Deputy Mayor Alain B'Net purchased two MkIII Hyloxalus W4R Walkers from Gladwar Systems PLC, and it has now been delivered. Over a cup of tea and a coconut macaroon, Dame Dora explained that  as pilot of the Walker, she will be able to maintain better command of the militia in battle and that her 2IC, the Deputy Mayor will be able to support her in the second Walker. At the same time, the Walkers' pulse cannons and auxiliary Close Defence Systems will provide a significant firepower upgrade for the militia. In a morale-boosting first, the MkIII Hyloxalus features an integrated tea boiler and a separate pink wafer dispenser, guaranteeing that its pilot will remain alert and positive at all times.

"We did consider upgrading to a Jammie Dodger dispenser, but a detailed cost-benefit analysis showed that there was no morale boost commensurate to the increase in cost," shared Dame Dora.

Deputy Mayor Alain B'Net added, "Dame Dora is not a fan of Jammie Dodgers, you know. An Eccles Cake dispenser would have been just the ticket, but there were jamming issues with the pastry, and the Parkin dispenser had a lamentable tendency to crumble at the worst of all possible times. We have looked at the purchase of these Walkers from every angle and done proper due diligence, so we know that this is the best of all possible choices we could have made."

"Is this the end for Albion attacks on Ramsbottom End?"

"Albion will think twice about attacking Ramsbottom End now," declared Dame Dora.

There has been some criticism of this purchase by The Opposition Party, which only numbers one member on the town council. Dame Dora dismissed this criticism.

"Yes, these walkers cost a lot of money, but it will make our town more secure, leading to long-term cost savings in infrastructure repairs. This is a saving not to be sniffed at and will leave more in the budget for the centenary celebration of Landfall next year. Moreover, at the annual fete we can deploy them to give rides to the children for a nominal sum, thus providing much needed relief for the town's donkey, and a boost to the town's coffers."

It is reported that the member of The Opposition Party has grumbled about this expense too, but he was not available for comment before we went to press.

More figures that I have had for a long while, and another story that amused me. In the Brazil*-like environment of the Bwendi nation, this story makes total sense. Change the names and I am fairly sure it could also occur in Steve's Albion nation, but don't tell President for Life Throckmorton P. Gladiolus that. They would strenuously deny any resemblance between Bwendi and Albion despite both claiming to be the true descendents of the British Empire and its customs and culture. But we all know that Albionites break the round end of their boiled eggs and put the milk in after the tea, so clearly they have no culture or manners!

*The film, not the country.

13 Ambyrmont - Entering the temple

Faced by two dozen tribespeople, Broneslav made the decising to retreat back past the rubble that the headhunters themselves seemed to have placed as a defence. He would use their own preparations against them so that they could not overwhelm him. The boldest of the headhunters raced towards him with the others straggling behind. He took up position at the narrowest point of the passage and braced for the impact.

(1) Guard post
(2) Living quarters

The armed headhunters swarmed towards Broneslav, as their children escaped up a rope towards a hole in the ceiling of the temple. The noise was like the worst bedlam as children screamed and warriors howled their rage. Six of them fell in the first rush as Broneslav's sword cleaved through their unarmoured bodies repeatedly, while his own armour and shield protected him to the full. Seeing their tribespeople fall, four of them ran for the rope. Four of the bolder tribespeople fell in the second wave. This was too much for another three tribespeople who routed to the escape rope, which seemed badly overloaded even though all the children had managed to climb out of the top of the room by now. Those that remained in the room were cut down in short order, but as Broneslav stepped into the living quarters over the bloody corpses of the headhunters, doors were suddenly thrown open all around the balcony surrounding the headhunters' living quarters. A new wave of armoured attackers emerged. Broneslav wondered if the emerging warriors would finally be too much for him, but he resolved to try to achieve the quest laid on him by the friendly villagers. He could do no less. Snarling, he lifted his shield and sword once more...

The Equalisers versus the Terrible Trio (Slugfest)

 I got Slugfest for Christmas. Yay! If you've not encountered it before, Slugfest is a solo or cooperative super gaming system from Four Color Studios. It is d20 based and has a lot in common with Rangers of Shadow Deep. The actual rules run to a little over 20 pages, while the rest of the 181-page book details super team creation, scenarios, campaigning, etc. I have had some 15mm superheroes from Rebel Minis painted for quite some time, so I was keen to get the rules to the table as soon as possible.

We open on a city street. A car is parked untidily on the pavement outside the Trust Us Savings and Loan  Inc. in Landfall City. Peaceforcers lie scattered around, unconscious or groggily trying to recover. Ace reporter Kit Kilarney and a gaggle of bystanders stand stunned in the street.

A call comes in on the emergency hotline to the Equalisers' HQ. It is the Peace Commissioner.

"Help us, Equalisers! The Terrible Trio is raiding the Trust Us Savings and Loan. Our Peace Force has been defeated by them and Dr Bedlam's Deathbots."

The Equalisers race to the scene of the crime to aid the city authorities. The alarm at the bank is blaring out and two deathbots are rolling as fast as their little treads can carry them towards the heroes. As they race onto the street outside the bank, the heroes start trying to get the civilians clear. As they do so, Bruiser Benning emerges from the bank. He growls at the heroes. Elasti-Ape charges towards him, snagging up a concrete bench as he goes. He launches the bench at the big bruiser and hammers him with it. The others attempt to blast their foe but his thick hide seems impervious to their attacks, and Dream Lady's mental attacks seem to have nowhere to land in the bruisers tiny mind.

"Take a load off, Bruiser!"

Elasti-Ape charges Benning and is promptly knocked on his arse for his pains after flying thirty feet through the air. Captain Phoenix races in and flattens the goon as the Deathbots get close enough to start blasting.

Then the Sinister Spinner races out of the bank. He is carrying the object of the raid. Captain Phoenix charges him but is blasted backwards away as the Spinner charges up and flees the scene. It took only seconds for the villains to achieve their goal. The other villains start retreating as Tonalli emerges from a building up the road, only to flee ahead of the remaining Deathbots.

"You'll never catch me!"

With the villains fled and no way to catch up, the heroes attempt to bring round the fallen Peace Officers and escort ace reporter Kit Kilarney to safety. They are starting to bring order to the place when a gas main explodes under a parked car. The car is obliterated and Captain Phoenix is singed, but all the civilians and Peace Officers are safe. The peace that follows the explosion seems unnaturally quiet, but the Equalisers are kept busy tidying up after Dr Bedlam's crew.

Later that night the phone rings at Equalisers HQ.

"It's Kit Kilarney. I wasn't there just at random you know. I was following a lead on a story. You saved me so I'll share it with you..."

Well, that was fun. I might even have got some of the rules right. Not bad for a first play through. I used the Revengers from the book, but renamed them because I am like that, and I followed the first scenario from the rules. As expected, the d20s were wild. Picking up the street furniture and chucking it around was great. I need to do more of that. The scenario was also interesting because I knew there would b a gas explosion but not when, which made saving the civilians and the cops a priority. Still, if the Spinner had not knocked Captain Phoenix flat on his arse, the team might have got the macguffin too. Dice, eh!

Pointers for my next game include making power cards for the heroes and printing out the reference sheet to make it easier to keep track of things. I shall also design my own team so that I have a clearer idea of who they are and what they can do from the outset. No idea when I shall have time for that, but there will definitely be more of this type of thing in my future.