13 Ambyrmont - A Hiss and Tell Story

 Looking around the room he had just fallen into, Broneslav saw statues lining every wall but the exit. A quick glance up showed the remains of a trapdoor that he had fallen through, but what grabbed his attention most were the large snakes curled around four of the statues. Worse yet, they had all reared up and were looking at him hungrily.

"Shit!"

He grabbed his sword from where it had landed after his fall and prepared for the worst. Meanwhile, the worst prepared to make a meal of him.

Fortunately, it was cold down here, so the snakes were a little sluggish to start with. Unfortunately, Broneslav was slow to shake off the effects of his fall. His first swings were clumsy, although not so clumsy that he did not manage to crush the head of one snake with his boot, and to crush another between his shield and the statue it was curled around. The remaining two snakes reared up and spat poison at him. Broneslav ducked his head behind his shield and blocked them. Then he took a quick breath, stepped in close and decapitated both snakes before they could do any more.

The room was quiet once more and he had time to look around. The statues lining the room depicted a variety of subjects: a young woman holding a child; a fearsome monster of a type that he was unfamiliar with; a serpent but with feathers covering its body; a graceful fluid creature that almost appeared to move in the light from his shield; and several others, all well-made but showing the ravages of time. And all glistened an unwholesome green and red in the light. There were small puddles of water around the floor, and a larger one in one corner of the room. This area must not have been used in a long time.

The young warrior was curious about where he was. The open doorway and the corridor beyond could lead to the treasure he sought. Thinking of treasure, he suddenly realised that one of the statues still had a gem in its eye socket. He pried it loose and put it in his pouch.

On lithe feet he strode towards the opening to see what lay beyond. A flagstone gave under his foot and he dived backwards as a portcullis slammed down to block the exit, deafening him in the process. Broneslav cursed. He had a choice now. He could try to lift the portcullis or use his grapnel to get out of the room the way he came in. There might be another way down that he had not yet found, so it would not be totally giving up to climb back up and seek a different route down again. He tried the portcullis, but even with his mighty thews, he could not lift it.

A thought occurred to him. The large puddle in the corner was an anomaly. Nothing else in the room suggested that water had an easy way in, at least not to that extent. Searching the area around the puddle, he spotted small gaps and had soon worked out that there was a secret door here. He sought a way to open it...

The Envoy across the Water (Forgotten Ruin)

It was a story as old as time. Tiger Troop had just settled back into the camp and were drying out their feet when the L.T. announced that they needed to move out immediately. The goblin envoy was in trouble on Fastbeck Island and specifically asked for them. The only good news was that local fishingfolk were going to transport them there, so that they would not need to traverse the ancient, damp and crumbling tunnel that connected the north of Corner Plains with Fastbeck Island.

An ancient church huddles in the landscape against the inclement weather

In other important news, Sergeant Harding would be accompanying them, and because he was there, they would get additional support in planning the mission. It turned out that Orc warbands had ambushed the envoy and stolen important documents. The envoy was in hiding near where the Orcs were based and it was Tiger Troop's responsibility to rescue him and recover the documents. Simple! Well, apart from the Orcs, of course, who would certainly object to this being done.

It was probably just as well that they had not had time to dry out their boots after the last patrol. Fastbeck Island was a swampy, damp hellhole. They would be wading through the mire on this one and damp feet would be the least of their worries. The only real consolation was that it was now spring, so the water would be less icy and they would not be slogging through snow. Mud was a luxury compared to slogging through icy water and snow.

The mission area was a mix of low-lying marshes, broken ground and low rises with scrubby bushes and not a lot else. A single ruined building from before the cataclysm stood on a hill. The layout suggested an old church, but there was not enough left of it to be certain. The envoy was probably in the church, and his bag had been thrown into some bushes nearby.

Harding took charge of B-Team and set out to secure the troop's flank. Pan took A-Team and headed off in to the ruins of the church. The Orcs ahead of them seemed to be fairly run of the mill, except for two, who were larger than the others and much better armed and armoured. Fortunately, the group of Orcs they were with seemed to be distracted by some tale that the two were telling, while the archers near them seemed more intent on charging into melee than shooting Tiger Troop. This worked in the team's favour. As the archers charged, B-Team mowed them down.

Meanwhile, Pan had secured the envoy's bag and was racing around the church looking for the envoy, with A-Team covering her as Orc spearmen charged and were mowed down as quickly as their bow-armed compatriots.

As Pan confirmed that she had secured the envoy, the large Orcs finished their story and became aware of the noise of gunfire around them. They charged B-Team, losing a spearorc as they did so. B-Team began the process of a fighting withdrawal, staying just ahead of the Orcs as they retreated to the RVP. The Orcs were almost on top of B-Team when Vesela opened up with the Team Support Weapon and Selcuk dropped a grenade in the middle of the mob of Orcs. Bits of Orc blew everywhere.

A mob of light spearorcs was charging as fast as it could towards B-Team, but Tiger Troop was already boarding the boats before they got anywhere near. Mission complete, they returned to base, were debriefed and prepared to kick back for a while.

Conclusion

That was all a bit easy again! The dice placed the objectives near each other, and the complication was that one of them would move each turn. As it turned out, Pan got the first objective on the first turn and the other one obligingly moved towards her, so she nabbed that one on turn three. After that, it was just a case of retreating off the table. I diced for game end, and the game ended the second that Pan did that.

On top of that, the archers suffered War Rage and charged every turn instead of shooting. It's meant to be random each turn, but the archers got the first two rolls, the spearorcs died on turn two due to the application of massive firepower and the other orcs were unaware until too late in the game for them to be picked. Even the reinforcements arrived too far away to do anything about Tiger Troop.

There were a couple of tense moments when I rolled nothing but 1s on a turn for the effects of hits, and thus bullets bounced off Orcish hides, but the Orcs were not close enough to be a serious threat at that point.

Battle of Bloodyburn Bridge (Oathmark)

 King Stefan of Storace was jubilant. His troops were still picking bits of the army of Elkall-Anuz from the hooves of their destriers. Now he would strike harder against the ancient enemy. Control of Bloodyburn Bridge would give him a bridgehead into the heart of the enemy kingdom.

The Armies

The Kingdom of Storace

• 1 Human Prince with 19 Soldiers
• 1 Elven Champion with 9 Linebreakers
• 1 Human Champion with 18 Archers
• 1 Human Champion with 18 Archers

The Kingdom of Elkall-Anuz

• 1 Orc Captain
• 1 Orc Shaman (Level 5: Fireball, Poison Cloud, Weakness, Horrify, Fear)
• 1 Orc Assistant Shaman (Level 1: Fireball)
• 12 SpearOrcs
• 4 Trolls
• 10 Elf Archers

The Battlefield

The battlefield has a river running across it between the two armies. A bridge lies at the centre and two fords can be found, one upstream and the other downstream of the bridge.

The Kingdom of Storace is red. The Kingdom of Elkall-Anuz is blue.

The Elkall-Anuzian captain has chosen to position a single troll on the bridge as a scout and holds the rest of his force in reserve in the centre, ready to deploy in response to Storace aggression. The plan is simple: move to the enemy, engage them and destroy them as they attempt to cross the river.

The prince of Storace's scouts report the presence of a troll booth on the bridge, so he has chosen to try to ford the river on his right flank rather than pay to cross with dry feet. He forms up in a battle column with his archers leading. The plan is to rush the ford with the linebreakers and soldiers and force the outnumbered defenders back, while the archers provide covering fire to disrupt the enemy formations.

The Battle

The orcish captain knew that he and his troops had been hung out to dry. The only question in his mind was whether they would hold out long enough. He could see the Storacians advancing on his left flank towards a ford, so he ordered his trolls forward to disrupt the advance. They did this willingly, seeing tender elvish flesh ahead of them. Meanwhile his chief shaman launched fireballs at the enemy archers that crisped several of them. The assistant shaman was less competent.

Storace on the left of the photo.

His lead troll engaged the elven halberdiers, killing two of them but was cut to ribbons itself. Meanwhile, his elven archers were on the receiving end of massive barrages of arrows from the human archers and were already suffering heavy casualties. Nevertheless, they gave as good as they got. Between the shaman's fireballs and the elven archery, the target human archers were suffering badly, not that it seemed to bother them.

Over on the Storace right flank, there was a certain amount of confusion. The human commander was trying to urge his soldiers past the archers in front of them, but there was not space enough and the archers were so focused on shooting the enemy that they paid little attention to their prince.

The other trolls charged over the bridge and were the bane of many elves, but the elves were stout of heart and slew two of the trolls, driving the remaining one back onto the bridge. Meanwhile, the human prince had sorted out the issues with his archers and had moved up to the ford. The orc shamans turned their attention to the human soldiers and the elven archers did the same. The soldiers hunkered down behind their shields and weathered the storm.

As the human prince crossed the river, the chief shaman blasted his unit with a fireball, but only caused a single casualty. Still, this was enough to disrupt the unit, which could not believe that someone had dared attack it.

By now, the elven archers were reduced to a single warrior, the elven halberdiers and the last troll had killed each other, and the spearorcs were racing towards the ford and the enemy soldiers. It was too late. They had lost the ground and thus the battle.

The battle ended at the end of the fifth turn because the humans had more troops on the orcish side of the river than the orcs had. In the end, sheer numbers told. Of course, it also helped that the humans were unreasonably lucky with their morale tests.

The key was the massed missile fire of the humans that far outweighed the skill of the elven archers on the orcish side. It basically whittled down the orcs until there were too few of them. If the humans had failed their morale checks like they should have done (statistically speaking), then it might have been different.

The orcish assistant shaman was rubbish too. He only cast a single fireball that did no damage, despite trying every turn. His boss got off a spell every turn and did good damage to the humans, but again the human morale checks were too good.

It was good to get another Oathmark game played. The rules are simple and effective, and easy to play solo. I hope that the second edition due out later this year does not spoil that. I like that Oathmark has a medieval feel to it, and that it does not over-complicate the game play. I have not encountered any truly difficult situations to adjudicate yet, and that is nice.

13 Ambyrmont - Heading for a Fall

 A little investigation revealed the key to opening the secret door. It groaned open protestingly. The headhunters had presumably not used and maintained it during their stay here. Perhaps they were completely unaware of it. The undisturbed layer of thick dust in this otherwise bare room attested to this fact. Broneslav sneezed as he stepped into the room and looked around.

The only way out seemed to be stairs leading up to a balcony. He walked carefully over to them and climbed up.

From the balcony, Broneslav could see through two slits into the main chamber beyond. This was presumably the other side of the massively damaged sculpture on the wall of the main chamber, perhaps a god's image before the headhunters had literally defaced it. A large wooden piston and handle were situated between the two eyeholes through which he gazed at the carnage he had moments earlier wrought.

Seeing no other way out and thinking that the piston might open another hidden door, Broneslav cranked it. A massive cloud of dust blew out into the main chamber. It ignited on the headhunters' fire and the room was filled with fire. The blast blew back in through the eyeholes and Broneslav stumbled backwards as he was enveloped in flame. Fortunately, his magical ring protected him from damage, but his clothes were singed and he slipped on the stairs as he stumbled, falling to the floor below.

Dust billowed around him causing him to cough as he landed. It was accompanied by a creaking of the floor, which quickly splintered and gave way. He fell through it to land on a hard, damp floor partially stunned and even more bruised and battered than he was before. As he scrambled to his feet and uncovered his shield so the light spell could illuminate the murky room, Broneslav heard hissing from right beside him...

The Edge of the World (Forgotten Ruin)

 Tiger Troop grumbled as they learned that their next patrol would be to Corner Plains. On the one hand, it was not a swampy, boggy hellhole. On the other hand, it was a flat, wind-blasted hellhole. The wind constantly blew in from the sea and carried away everything that was not nailed down. At this time of year it was also icy cold, so they would freeze their arses off before they had got far at all. The only benefit to the constant wind was that it would not be raining... the clouds rarely got a chance to linger over Corner Plains.

The ops area was out in the boonies, even more so than usual for this area, with the only sign that people had been there being the roads through to other, better places, the standing stones by the crossroads and some nearby ruins. Much of the fertile farmland had been reclaimed by nature and ancient trees now stood where once there were cornfields and greenhouses.

A wind-blasted hellhole with nothing between it and the Arctic

Of course, even though Corner Plains was less of a hellhole, that did not mean this would be a walk in the park. Nope. It was a babysitting exercise. An envoy from Goat Fjord needed to get to Fastbeck Island. Guess which bunch of losers got that job! And of those losers, Leaf Moondream was the biggest one, as far as she was concerned. She was doing research to aid the mission! What was that about? Still, she did manage to communicate some useful intel to the Sarge, so it was not all wasted, and the threat she had identified seemed real. Also, she had identified a package that the L.T. wanted them to retrieve.

The envoy's people had lent Tiger Troop horses to get them to the ops area more easily. When scouts reported that there were hostiles ahead, they dismounted and left the horses, advancing towards the crossroads ahead on foot.

"Watch out for those smaller ones. They are venomous! Of course, the big ones will just bite you in half, so watch out for them too!" the little goblin envoy declared.

Tiger Troop took heed and opened up with everything they had.

The hides of the beasts were thick, but quantity of firepower put the odds on Tiger Troop's side. On the right flank, judicious application of excessive firepower pacified the mob that was advancing on them. Those lizards that were not blown to bits soon lumbered in the opposite direction.

"That's right," yelled the little goblin, "you distract them and I shall run through to complete my mission. Lifting up his robes, the goblin ran for all he was worth and had soon sprinted far ahead of Tiger Troop.

On the left flank, Lance-Corporal Bonolo called in a mortar stonk that sent pieces of venomous lizard flying everywhere. The single lizard that nearly reached Bonolo's fire team was cut down by the team's assault rifles.

The single remaining mob of lizards charged out from behind the ruins and towards Bonolo's team. Three lizards reached the team. Two of them died to spear and sword thrusts, but the third snatched up New Guy, who had only joined Tiger Troop, while Leaf was working with the L.T. at HQ. The unfortunate soldier was already half eaten before the rest of Bonolo's team could cut it down.

Suddenly, a new mob of lizards emerged from behind the ruins. Corporal Adeyemi called the order, "Rapid Fire!" and the team blasted the lizards advancing on them. Private Osmaer unshipped the squad LAW and fired.

"Fuck me!" he muttered as the projectile ripped through the nearest lizard as if it wasn't there and then tore the one right behind it to shreds for good measure.

Firing again, Osmaer's LAW ripped two more lizards apart. The last one made it as far as Private Bjornsson and considered him to be a good meal. Unfortunately for the hungry beast's plans, Tarquin was ready for it. His dagger lashed out several times and the beast fell dead at his feet. B-Team breathed a momentary sigh of relief, only to see yet another mob of lizards emerge from the same ruins just as Pan was racing towards a nearby point of interest.

Pan cursed, "Is there no end to these critters?"

B-Team took care of three of them, but two charged her. She drew her hammer as they charged on her and brained the first to reach her. The second knocked her back and was about to pounce on her, when B-Team's combined fire cut it down. By now, Private Immaculada had managed to grab the package that the L.T. wanted and raced off towards the RVP.

The L.T.'s voice over the radio was unwelcome in the still after the firefight. There were no hostiles in sight, yet still they needed to occupy the ops area a while longer, instead of returning to base.

"Hold off all remaining hostiles until I confirm that the package has been recovered safely."

Tiger Troop retreated to form a firing line that could cover Immaculada and waited. It was some time before even more lizards streamed out of the ruins near the crossroads. The beasts must have had a lair under the ruins.

However, these lizards fared no better than those before them. Tiger Troop's blood was up now and they poured everything they had into the lizards, leaving nothing but bits of blasted apart carcass when they stopped shooting. Silence fell. Tiger Troop received authorisation to withdraw. They did so immediately.

That was easier than expected, although I did feel sorry for New Guy, whose name Tiger Troop never even got around to learning. This was also the first time that I have used the Troop's LAW. It was satisfyingly destructive and very helpful given the high Toughness of the lizards.

Thematically, having numerous lizards emerge from the same spot was nice too. I could just imagine a large lair of giant lizards in the basement of the ruins.

13 Ambyrmont - The Skulls of their Enemies

After bandaging his wounds, Broneslav looked around. He had seen the direction that the surviving fighters had fled, so he marched off to the south side of the large chamber to the door they had gone through. This was, coincidentally, the same door that the chief had emerged from.

Headhunters flee to Room 3

He kicked the door in and dodged to the side just in time to avoid an arrow from within the room that lay beyond. With a roar, he charged in. He caught the remaining headhunters flatfooted and quickly wounded the shaman before blocking and dodging their return blows. There was a pause as both sides took the measure of each other before Broneslav darted in and thrust his sword through the shaman's body. As he withdrew the sword, the shaman slumped to the ground and he killed the second headhunter on the reverse swing.

The cowardly bodyguard who remained threw his spear to the floor and raced past Broneslav to the rope that the women and children had used to escape. Broneslav raced after the bodyguard and cut him down. He could not risk the man returning to ambush him.

As quiet fell, Broneslav realised that he was now alone in this area. He searched it while keeping a wary eye out for more headhunters.

The room he stood in was cluttered with sleeping mats, pots, gourds, animal skins and furs. Shelves on the wall were filled with skulls, a testament to the tribe's leisure activities. Among the clutter, Broneslav found a number of gems and some exotic furs that might sell well. The other rooms off the main chamber offered no further treasure unless he could find a market for bowls containing mud and ash or files for teeth.

There was no obvious way out of this area, until he spotted a discoloured patch on the wall and floor in the south-east corner of the large chamber. Further examination revealed a secret door, which he quickly opened, ready for anything...

Get Knitted! Bwendi patriots contribute to public lavatory campaign

The Bwendi Bugle

Tooting our own trumpet since 1985

7 February 2326

"Get Knitted!" Says Colonel

Today Colonel Throckmorton P Gladiolus opened the first of the new semi-AI public lavatories that have been developed by the Ministry of Public Works. These new public lavatories will be appearing on street corners near you, because the Bwendi government does not want you to be caught short while doing your civic duty. They are outfitted with the very latest in sustainable waste disposal systems and each new lavatory is fitted with a warm, knitted toilet seat cover courtesy of the Landfall City Townspeople's Guild. These heroic knitters have pulled out all the stops to ensure that the Bwendi people make only the most comfortable pitstops.

Police sources have warned that Albion fifth columnists may try to destroy Bwendi morale by stealing or defacing the toilets and their knitted covers. The lavatory AI is equipped to deal with fifth columnists and dispose of their remains thanks to the installation of military grade lasers. However, you should report any suspicious activity to the nearest Peace Officer just in case Albionistas manage to sabotage the AI and prevent it defending itself. Remember that Albion wants your toilet seat covers and will not rest until its collective behind may do so comfortably on Bwendi woollen knitwear.

As if that were not enough, our heroic knitters have also been hard at work supporting our troops in their fight against Albion incursions. Their knitted toilet seat covers now equip the jet-propelled guided portapotties of the 37th Janitorial Brigade. These portapotties are a variant of the civilian version that our reporters visited for this story.

The GladCorp Mk3 Portapotty can be launched and delivered to the frontline ready to use within 10 minutes of receiving notice of need. Our troops need never be caught short again, thanks to the Colonel's brilliant invention. As if that were not enough, it is outfitted with a reading material dispenser specifically designed for the mandated two minute comfort breaks, dispensing a newspaper or magazine that can be read within that two minute period while seated comfortably on the knitted toilet seat cover.

Ecstatic citizens queue to try out the new knitted toilet seat covers under the watchful eye of the local Peaceforcers (Toilet and street furniture by Brigade Models. Figures are 15mm Laserburn from Alternative Armies)

It is rumoured that the civilian version of the portapotty is outfitted for rapid conversion and deployment, just like the military version but official sources refused to comment on this. The GladWar spokesperson simply announced, "Loose lips sink ships!" and returned to the office to work on new designs for our heroic troops.

"With the new knitted toilet seat covers, our troops will be able to ease themselves without suffering discomfort and cold seats," said Mrs Trembley-Beauchamp, chairentity of the LCTG, "We expect this to be a significant morale victory for them."

When asked if she had any words for the Albion troops with their less-than-luxurious dunny pits, Mrs Trembley-Beauchamp said, "They should just get knitted!"

And so say we all at the Bwendi Bugle. Get knitted, Albion!

I really need to do more imagination-type posts for my Bwendi nation. The world building is most of the fun, given that I rarely get to play sci-fi games these days. It would cost too much to ship all my figures and terrain to where I spend most of my time, so the sci-fi figures tend to live a thousand miles away from me and remain unused apart from a couple of months a year. I have had all of these figures and terrain for a long while, but the story occurred to and amused me, so I make no apologies for inflicting it on you!