Get Knitted! Bwendi patriots contribute to public lavatory campaign

The Bwendi Bugle

Tooting our own trumpet since 1985

7 February 2326

"Get Knitted!" Says Colonel

Today Colonel Throckmorton P Gladiolus opened the first of the new semi-AI public lavatories that have been developed by the Ministry of Public Works. These new public lavatories will be appearing on street corners near you, because the Bwendi government does not want you to be caught short while doing your civic duty. They are outfitted with the very latest in sustainable waste disposal systems and each new lavatory is fitted with a warm, knitted toilet seat cover courtesy of the Landfall City Townspeople's Guild. These heroic knitters have pulled out all the stops to ensure that the Bwendi people make only the most comfortable pitstops.

Police sources have warned that Albion fifth columnists may try to destroy Bwendi morale by stealing or defacing the toilets and their knitted covers. The lavatory AI is equipped to deal with fifth columnists and dispose of their remains thanks to the installation of military grade lasers. However, you should report any suspicious activity to the nearest Peace Officer just in case Albionistas manage to sabotage the AI and prevent it defending itself. Remember that Albion wants your toilet seat covers and will not rest until its collective behind may do so comfortably on Bwendi woollen knitwear.

As if that were not enough, our heroic knitters have also been hard at work supporting our troops in their fight against Albion incursions. Their knitted toilet seat covers now equip the jet-propelled guided portapotties of the 37th Janitorial Brigade. These portapotties are a variant of the civilian version that our reporters visited for this story.

The GladCorp Mk3 Portapotty can be launched and delivered to the frontline ready to use within 10 minutes of receiving notice of need. Our troops need never be caught short again, thanks to the Colonel's brilliant invention. As if that were not enough, it is outfitted with a reading material dispenser specifically designed for the mandated two minute comfort breaks, dispensing a newspaper or magazine that can be read within that two minute period while seated comfortably on the knitted toilet seat cover.

Ecstatic citizens queue to try out the new knitted toilet seat covers under the watchful eye of the local Peaceforcers (Toilet and street furniture by Brigade Models. Figures are 15mm Laserburn from Alternative Armies)

It is rumoured that the civilian version of the portapotty is outfitted for rapid conversion and deployment, just like the military version but official sources refused to comment on this. The GladWar spokesperson simply announced, "Loose lips sink ships!" and returned to the office to work on new designs for our heroic troops.

"With the new knitted toilet seat covers, our troops will be able to ease themselves without suffering discomfort and cold seats," said Mrs Trembley-Beauchamp, chairentity of the LCTG, "We expect this to be a significant morale victory for them."

When asked if she had any words for the Albion troops with their less-than-luxurious dunny pits, Mrs Trembley-Beauchamp said, "They should just get knitted!"

And so say we all at the Bwendi Bugle. Get knitted, Albion!

I really need to do more imagination-type posts for my Bwendi nation. The world building is most of the fun, given that I rarely get to play sci-fi games these days. It would cost too much to ship all my figures and terrain to where I spend most of my time, so the sci-fi figures tend to live a thousand miles away from me and remain unused apart from a couple of months a year. I have had all of these figures and terrain for a long while, but the story occurred to and amused me, so I make no apologies for inflicting it on you!