Turn 54: The Thrappled Lemmings and The Amazing Minotaur (Five Leagues from the Borderlands)

 It was market day in Fikaby and everyone was in good spirits because the Thrappled Lemmings had reopened the roads to free trade.

"The beer must flow," said each villager to their neighbours as they went about their daily business. It had become a greeting in the village thanks to the Thrappled Lemmings.

"The beer must flow," said Hannah Rustinale, proprietor of the Halfskinned Eel (there was a story behind that name) to the Lemmings as they took their breakfast.

"The beer shall flow," chorused the Lemmings back.

In the spirit of the statement, they knocked back more than usual quantities of beer, but no one minded because the Lemmings had gold to spare these days, and hanging out with the locals was generating a lot of good will at some small cost in that gold. While the others drank, Drogo trained. He was determined not to get wounded so badly again. Meanwhile, Onesipe was busily selling the triptychs they had found.

After the important business of the day was done, Lysanthir convened a party meeting over dinner. The agenda was where next to seek treasure. The debate was hot, but the majority of the group opted to seek out the monster lair to the north of Fikaby. It would be doing their hosts a service, which might lead to free beer, and the monster almost certainly had a decent hoard of treasure for them to plunder. This decided, they went to bed early, ready to rise at dawn and head out after the monster.

The approach to the monster's lair was straightforward, and, as usual, Fulrad was volunteered to scout the area for the entrance to the monster's den while the others hung back and prepared themselves. Lysanthir drank the Fiery Wine which felt like a bad case of acid reflux, but the ability to breathe fire was novel for him. The others did their stretching exercises and waited.

Fulrad sneaks up on a pig

Fulrad sneaked through the low hills and light woods north of Fikaby. His senses were attuned to the noises around him, the sound of Wido whining behind him, the rustling of a pig in the woods ahead. He stepped carefully and approached the first likely location that he needed to scout. There was a pig here.

Wait! That's no pig!

A Minotaur was eating it. He had found the monster and caught it by surprise. He called the others forward and took up a position on the edge of the woods where he could still see the Minotaur as Sir Thiebault, Drogo and Wido formed up to advance on the beast. Onesipe and Lysanthir joined him.

The Thrappled Lemmings gawk at the supposed pig

Sir Thiebault gave the signal. Onesipe, Fulrad and Wido fired in unison. Onesipe missed by a good country mile, while Fulrad's shot was stopped by the beast's armour. Wido's shot stunned the monster. Lysanthir breathed fire in the beast's general direction, missing wildly.

Drogo charged and his axe cleaved a deep wound into the Minotaur's flank. The Minotaur bellowed as Drogo's next swing went wild and it flung him 30 feet through the air to land winded and gasping. Sir Thiebault raced in and found himself also flung back to land beside Drogo, although his armour prevented him from being hurt worse than that.

Lysanthir was the next to fly through the air as the Minotaur charged him. He had got too close and got off lightly as he landed unhurt thanks to his armour. Onesipe and Fulrad retreated to stand beside Lysanthir. Wido charged. Unable to hurt the Minotaur, he was still able to push it back. Sir Thiebault, thinking to aid Wido charged but was thrown through the air. The only thing that saved him from disaster was his armour. Drogo followed up and carved another slice out of the Minotaur's flanks. In a furious melee, Drogo found his speed and suddenly his axe went snicker-snack. He cut more wounds into the creature which was driven back, but charged again, only to face Drogo's axe once more. Drogo swung and cleaved its head in two.

The Thrappled Lemmings conclude that all those recent knocks on the head have taught Drogo how to fight at last!

Breathing hard, the Thrappled Lemmings looked around for loot. It seemed like the Minotaur had mostly been hoarding the weapons of those that tried to slay it. The Lemmings gathered up a selection of weapons that they found and headed back to Fikaby to report the news.

Well, that was a battle of two halves! At first I thought that the Thrappled Lemmings had forgotten to sharpen their weapons, because all they rolled were 1s when trying to get past the Minotaur's armour of 1. Then suddenly Drogo found his Vorpal Axe of Snicker-Snack and slew the monster in the course of two full rounds of melee. That really could have gone a lot worse, and nearly did.